The Colour of Corruption depicts Nigerians’ carefree disposition to the issues of corruption. Some defend the indefensible, no matter the nature, amount and characters involved.
If you are not corrupt, stand to the right. Good! Where I come from, corruption isn’t just a problem—it’s a national sport. Yeah! Nigerians don’t care much about the act of corruption. We only care about the colour of corruption!
Yes, corruption here is like a fancy dress code. And, everyone’s trying to figure out who’s wearing the most outrageous shade. Forget morality—this is about fashion, okay?
If you’re wondering the “colour of corruption”, just take a look at the news. Corruption comes in every hue imaginable. So common that we no longer worry. The only question is: how bad is it compared to the other guy? Nigerians have turned corruption into a game of “Who’s Got the Worst Shade?” They’ve read Isaiah 1:18-19. That portion calls corruption “sins.” It rates sins in degrees. And in colours: “crimson,” “scarlet” and “white.” Let’s borrow from it. So, if your corruption, sorry “sin” isn’t a deep, fiery crimson, then it’s probably just a little “peachy pink”. Nothing to get worked up about!
Even our crime-fighting agencies use this model. Just that, sometimes, they get colour-blind. Hence, they sometimes mistake scarlet for white, especially if you share a “godfather” with Bobrisky. Or, your sins can sing like Dino Melaye. Or lives in a statehouse bunker like Yahaya Bello.
Colour of corruption vs jumping out of a moving vehicle!
Ah, Dino! The man is like a walking rainbow. He’s been accused of everything. From jumping out of a moving vehicle to… well, I’ve lost track. He even sang during a Senate session. But, some Nigerians say his “corruption” is more like a ‘soft coral’—just a little naughty, but nothing to cry about. That is, compared to someone else who’s “properly” deep crimson.
Well, in Nigeria, you are a saint, until you assume pubic office. Then, the rest, like they say, is history. Ask any ex-governor. Godwin Obaseki just left the office as the governor of Edo State. He was worshipped before now. Many sang his “exploits.” But the moment he stepped out of power, he’s facing accusations of financial mismanagement.
But, guess what? There are still some who say: “Oh, it’s not that bad. It’s more like a ‘baby pink’ than a ‘scarlet red’.” They’ll argue, “Well, he only borrowed a couple of hundred million. That’s not real corruption, right?” Of course, in Nigeria, if it’s not as billions, it’s just a minor shade of red. Nothing to stress about.
Bello, Rochas and EFCC
Even at that, if you “borrow” about N110 billion, you can take pictures in EFCC car park. Nothing will happen. Ask Yahaya Bello! That’s a former Kogi governor now living in a bunker that even EFCC can’t reach. The same EFCC that turned Rochas Okorocha into a prayer warrior inside his fortress.
One basketmouth said some carpenters wearing EFCC-red once removed Okorocha’s roof. I heard they were sacked after. Hence, no one to smoke out Bello! For Nigerians, Bello’s sin is never really crimson—it’s more like a ‘dusty brown’. “Ah, he’s not as bad as the next person, who’s practically drowning in ‘scarlet red,’ someone argued.
Anyway, Nigerian corruption-label spares none. Not even President Bola Tinubu. Years of “corruption” whispers, especially about his tenure in Lagos. No evidence! Yet, like Donald Trump, he won presidential election in 2023. To some Nigerians, Tinubu’s “sin” is more like ‘royal purple.’ Sophisticated, in fact. Aged like fine wine. Some compared him to Atiku and passed a verdict.
Atiku Abubakar is our former vice president and perennial presidential candidate. He’s been accused of everything from “over-contesting” to naming Tinubu “T-pain”. However, some Nigerians have decided that his “sin” isn’t the dark crimson shade of a high-profile looter but more of a ‘dusty rose’. It may appear a little bit shady, yes. But compared to someone else’s ‘midnight black’ corruption, Atiku’s is almost “elegant.” He’s polished; refined! And so are his sins!
And then we come to Olusegun Obasanjo. Baba was once Nigeria’s president, and some accused him of everything from abuse of power to third-term trick. Sunday Dare said he killed “moral decency”! But many argue that Obasanjo’s sin is just ‘light grey.’ Baba’s corruption, I mean sin, is just… background noise. It’s like a grey cloud. It’s always there, but it doesn’t really stand out anymore.
So, what colour should we give to our agencies? EFCC already wears red. It’s former boss, Ibrahim Magu might even call it “crimson”. In 2020, the man was supposed to clean up corruption, but oops—he ended up accused of sins. Like Tafa Balogun, former Police IG, who “borrow” N13bn. Nigerians, naturally, don’t think this is a big deal. They’ll argue that the corruption, sorry sins are just a ‘light peach’ or a ‘subtle beige’.
And then there’s the CCT Chairman, Danladi Umar, who got the boot this week, following corruption allegations. But some Nigerians say his “sin” isn’t that serious. It’s just a little ‘lavender’—a pastel corruption, not too dark, not too bright. Just a minor slip-up. Sure, he was in charge of prosecuting others, but hey—maybe it’s just a fashion faux pas in the corruption world.
The latest addition the colour wheel
Now, the latest addition to our colour wheel is Gov. Umo Eno of Akwa Ibom. He’s accused of owning 20 million shares in a state-owned enterprise. Over N300 million state funds used to acquire shares for individuals, according to a report. To some Nigerians, that’s a ‘moss green’. “It’s not that bad,” they say. “It’s just a bit of a greenish tint. No one’s going to notice.”
In the grand scheme of things, the colour of corruption in Nigeria is like a rainbow. Is it really a crime if it’s just a soft blush of corruption? Or does it have to be a crimson disaster to matter? Nigerians forget too easily. Yes, we treat every corruption allegation like it’s a ‘light mint’—refreshing, but not alarming.
Yeah! To us, corruption isn’t a crime. It’s a colour. And depending on how much you really care, it could be a soft pastel or a fiery crimson. In fact, the only time corruption seems truly alarming is when it’s bright neon “neon orange.” Even then, people will still argue:“But is it as bad as that other guy’s neon yellow?”
In the end, the colour of corruption in Nigeria isn’t about the money or the moral decay. It’s about how much splash it makes on the national fabric. If you’re caught in a small scandal, don’t worry. It’s a light fuchsia and not really scandalous. If you’re stealing billions? Okay, that’s a bit more crimson. Might attract small noise for days.
But, let’s face it, the true colour of corruption in Nigeria is one of tolerable shades, all competing to be the least offensive one. So next time you hear about another corruption case, just note that none of our bigwigs, including the ones mentioned above is ever corrupt. They only sin. So, just ask yourself: Is it deep crimson or just a little faded peach? And, when will our authorities be really serious about fighting corruption?
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