Monday Okpebholo’s free bus came like a flash. He gave with one hand, one second, and took it the next, with the other hand. It was a perfect art of deception and disappointment…just like the much publicised revival of the Port harcourt Refinery!
Oh, dear reader, where do I even begin? As you’ve probably heard, my head is so big it’s almost a national security issue. So, I think a lot. The result? I’ve have been on quite an adventure lately. And, hey – if my tiny legs weren’t so short, I’d have run straight out of my head by now.
But alas, here I am. Still stuck in an imagery bus ride to nowhere, contrary to what the great Okpebholo promised. Yes, that’s right. The same Monday Okpebholo of Edo State, who has somehow managed to top even my questionable leadership skills. And that’s saying something, considering I once tried to direct traffic while standing on a chair!
Now, let me paint you a picture. I woke one worrisome morning, with my oversized head (too much thinking, I swear). Then, I read an announcement – a free bus service for Edo state residents. I felt a slight jolt of hope. Or, maybe it was just some chemicals kicking in. A free bus ride? This was going to be big. A triumph of logistics! I started planning how to relocate from Akwa Ibom. In my mind, I zoomed around the three senatorial districts of Edo. I could already feel the wind in my hair. Yes, in case you don’t know, I have bald hair, don’t be jealous!
Anyway, before I could even break into a triumphant dance – the bus was gone. Poof! Cancelled. Just hours after the announcement. The free bus program was thrown out like last season’s fashion. “Why cancel it?” you ask. Well, that’s a mystery even Sherlock Holmes couldn’t solve. Now, my tiny legs will just have to keep walking. Because Okpebholo, who brought this “free ride” talk clearly has no idea how to start an engine, let alone a bus.
Okpebholo’s free bus and Port Harcourt ‘revival’
Ah, but that’s not all. Welcome to a meeting between a mirage of oil and lies. In the same week that Okpebholo’s free bus service died at birth, another piece of deceit emerged. The revival of Port Harcourt Refinery! Picture it: the entire country was buzzing with excitement. The media sang Tinubu’s praises. His supporters started gloating. I was ready to write a glowing column about how Nigeria was finally getting its act together. Hope almost came alive. With the “revival,” petrol prices would fall, jobs would be created. And maybe, just maybe, someone would fix the traffic light near my house. Dream is free, right?
But then, reality hit harder than my last attempt at fitting into skinny jeans. like Okpebolo’s free bus dream, refinery revival faded. Faster than my Wi-Fi connection, infact. It turned out nothing more than a classic Nigerian show – a dazzling display of smoke and mirrors. No better than a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat … doesn’t even exist.
According to insiders, the refinery wasn’t producing fresh petrol at all. No, no, no. It was selling the same old stale stock, probably from the same old rusty tanks since I was in primary school. A technical staff at the refinery let it slip, trying to keep a straight face. They didn’t exactly refine anything. Ask Sahara Reporters. Crack C5, a modified petroleum resin, plus Naphtha did the trick. It was like buying yesterday’s fish and calling it sushi. Seriously, who needs fresh petrol when you can have vintage fuel, right?
A well-crafted comedy show
Now, field experts give a collective sigh. “It’s like giving a house a coat of paint and calling it a renovation,” said one. He wasn’t wrong. The Port Harcourt Refinery wasn’t just underwhelming – it was downright depressing. It turns out that what they’ve really revived is a deeply-rooted tradition of promises, and deception.
And you know what? Even the CSOs (Civil Society Organizations), say this wasn’t a revival but a ‘rerun’. “The government just rebranded an old stockpile of petrol and called it ‘fresh.’ They’re taking us for a ride!” said one activist. But here’s the twist: We’re still expected to believe this is a success.
So, what have we learned, folks? Simple! The free bus ride from Okpebholo is about as real as my New Year’s resolution to lose weight. And the Port Harcourt Refinery “revival” is as authentic as a one-wheeled car. But hey, who’s counting?
Oh, common! I guess it’s better we still ride Okpebholo’s free bus to nowhere. Well, we can cruise pass by the mirage of the Port Harcourt Refinery. I mean, I’ve got nothing better to do with my tiny legs. After all, in this country, we don’t just take buses – the government takes us for a ride. You see, the only thing truly “revived” in Nigeria right now is the art of disappointment.
Leave feedback about this