The University of Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies!

The University of Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies shocked the students with a controversial new course. So, why has this course generated such a stir? Let’s explore the details.

The announcement from the Head of the Political Science Department (HOD) sent shockwaves through the student body. Just as students were grappling with their academic workload, the HOD revealed a startling development: the introduction of  ‘Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies.’

Initially, the hall fell eerily silent. However, it soon erupted into a cacophony of voices. As confusion spread, the HOD remained composed. He explained that the innovative course, ‘Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies,’ was in line with the name of the institution. Its  aim was to equip students with “the necessary skills to implement effective sanitation policies in real life.”

Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies: Course Details

The course outline for ‘Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies’ was as unconventional as the announcement itself. The course included:

• Introduction to Toilet Taxation
• History and Evolution of Sanitation Tax
• Nigeria’s Public Sanitation Policy Since Independence
• Advanced Extortion Techniques

Furthermore, the HOD specified that each student would need to contribute N100,000 for the practical construction of toilets. He asserted, “An effective toilet system is the foundation of a solid education.”

According to the HOD, the course content and structure for the new course were developed after a thorough evaluation by the Departmental Board.

Faculty Reactions and Proposed Fees

HOD: “Esteemed colleagues, our department must continue to lead in academic excellence and groundbreaking innovations. This is why we are introducing the ‘Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies’ course.’

Senior Lecturer A: “I propose we introduce a fee for toilet seats, set at N100,000 per student. Additionally, students should provide fuel for the generator to ensure regular water supply. Our toilets must exemplify cleanliness.”

Lecturer B: “Great idea! Moreover, let’s implement a ‘Flush Fee’ of N5,000 per use. This will instill a sense of responsibility in the students.”

Prof C: “May I suggest adding a ‘Toilet Paper Levy’? Complete cleanliness must be maintained. I move that we include this fee.”

While other suggestions, such as  ‘Hand Sanitizer Levy’ and ‘Air Freshener Fee,’ were also discussed, the HOD insisted on a ‘Mirror Maintenance Fee.’ He argued that this fee would help students reflect on their personal growth every time they looked in the mirror.

The Course’s Impact and Student Backlash

Hours after the announcement, ‘Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies’ officially became part of the university curriculum. The faculty believed that its socioeconomic impact would enhance students’ understanding of sanitation.

Student A: “Sir, I’m still gathering money for last month’s ‘Chalk Fee.’ Can I attend today’s class, please?”

Prof: “You may attend if you promise to bring the money by midnight. And ensure you’ve paid your ‘Desks Maintenance Fee.'”

Nevertheless, students were not pleased. The proliferation of new fees triggered widespread discontent. As frustrations mounted, Rufi, the President of the Students Union Government (SUG), decided to address a world press conference.

Rufi’s Outspoken Critique

Rufi, known for his leadership and fame as a goalkeeper, passionately condemned the new course. He argued that “Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies” symbolized deeper issues within the university system.

Rufi denounced the escalating fees, such as N500,000 for thesis topics and N45,000 for seminar presentations. He highlighted the coercion and exploitation students faced, noting that some were even forced to compromise their dignity. Rufi emphasized that these extortion tactics were disgraceful and morally corrupt.

Moreover, he pointed out that the extortion culture taught students that “money answers all things,” until a lecturer is caught and held accountable.

The Call for Reform

Rufi’s bold critique illuminated the systemic problems within the educational system. His advocacy resonated with many, encouraging others to speak out against corruption. Rufi’s bravery underscored the urgent need for reform, aiming to restore the university system’s mission as a genuine center of learning rather than a hub of corruption.

In conclusion, while ‘Toilet Taxation and Sanitation Studies’ was undoubtedly groundbreaking and innovative, it also highlighted the critical need for systemic change. Balancing creative academic initiatives with fairness and integrity remains essential to preserving the true purpose of education.