Once upon a “clock,” in a land called Nigeria, where the sun shines freely and politicians’ promises are as plentiful as the grains of sand, lived a man named Tinubu. One day, he rose to the throne and plunged his people into untold economic trials!
Tinubu wasn’t your average leader. Some say he mastered political maneuvering and used magic to make money disappear faster than you could say “economic trials.” Others argue his magic transformed Lagos from a bustling metropolis into a place of endless struggles.
The Economic Trials Begin
When the king of the city “passed away,” Tinubu decided to play a little game with the Nigerian people. He proclaimed that the gods of the land, named “Emilokan,” had chosen him to lead. However, much like a dubious prophet, he seemed to be the only one who heard this divine command. Nobody anticipated the economic trials that would follow.
On the first day of his reign, Tinubu, a Yoruba chief, pulled out a horse-whip labeled “hardship” and began punishing the Nigerian people. Politicians in power hailed him as bold. Next, he waved a magic wand (which suspiciously resembled a wad of cash) and announced that “fuel subsidy is gone.” He didn’t explain where it went, but many clapped like “mumu.”
Escalating the Economic Hardship
Two days later, everyone woke up to find that “gone” meant fuel prices would increase daily. The prices now defy gravity! “But fear not, my dear citizens,” Tinubu proclaimed with a twinkle in his eye, “this increase will bring us closer to economic prosperity!”
The Nigerian people, bless their hearts, tried to make sense of it all. “But sir,” they cried, “how can we fill our tanks when prices keep rising faster than a politician’s promises during campaign season? How are we supposed to get to work when filling our tanks costs more than a month’s salary?”
Tinubu merely chuckled: “Why drive when you can trek?” He then waved his wand again, announcing an increase in electricity tariffs. “This increase is for your own good!” he explained with a smirk. “It will encourage you to conserve energy and embrace candlelit dinners and moonlit strolls. It will also help preserve our cultural heritage—like the local kerosene lantern.”
Enduring the Pains of Hunger
The people scratched their heads in confusion, wondering how to boil water with firewood and charcoal. Fufu suddenly lost weight, competing with eggs for size. Nigerians could no longer cook jollof rice, as a bag of rice now costs a half-year’s salary. But Tinubu had already moved on to his next trick: a cybersecurity levy!
Within days, inflation spiked. Tinubu flicked his wrist and made prices soar higher than a kite on a windy day. Even in their hardship-weary state, the Nigerian people protested loudly against the cybersecurity levy, forcing Tinubu to retreat—for now.
“Oga sir,” the Nigerian people protested, “how can we afford basic necessities when inflation is running amok?”
Tinubu simply shrugged and replied, “Ah, but my dear citizens, inflation is the spice of life! It adds flavor to the economy, like sprinkling salt on a bowl of garri. We need humble citizens. Hardship makes people humble!”
And the Pang of Economic Trials Continues
As Tinubu’s antics continued to wreak havoc on the economy, they appeared as a deliberate coffin for Nigerians—a never-ending cycle of absurdity and hardship. Each new day brought a more surreal situation, like a twisted game of economic roulette with the odds always stacked against the average citizen.
But amidst the chaos and absurdity, the Nigerian people, resilient and resourceful as ever, are not defeated. Instead, they shared jokes and memes, turning the Tinubu-induced pains into cheers!
Leave feedback about this