An image representing all the abandoned projects that belong to God.

‘All abandoned projects  belong to God’ is not just about unfinished physical infrastructure. Unfulfilled promises about human welfare,  education, etc fall in line.

Brethren, it’s time for the sermon. You see, the devil is a liar, but don’t ask me what he said. But the word of God is true forever. Now, le us pray. As it was in the beginning (especially, the days of Abacha), so shall it end. Somebody say, ‘amen!’

PR-A-I-S-E the Lord! Today’s sermon is on “Abandoned Projects”.  All over this country, there are so many abandoned projects. Ajaokuta Steel, Turn Around Maintenance in Refineries, road repairs, etc. In fact, the list of abandoned projects is so long that it even includes Ogunlewe! The same people we collectively empowered to loot the public coffers abandoned all of them. Now, we – the masses – are also abandoned projects, dig? 

 Anyway, only hostage taking wakes Baba to any reality of monumental failure – including the Niger Delta problems. But… Children of God don’t despair. PR-A-I-S-E Jesus!  Our God is faithful!  He is not the God of abandoned projects – like Baba. Amen, s-o-m-e-b-o-d-y! I want you to know that God can never abandon his own. By now, I expect everybody to know that simple truth because even General Obasanjo does. 

You see, critics of this administration who think stupidly that there would be vacancy in Aso Rock in 2007, should at least give Baba credit. Before this week, many of them said intelligence among our rulers was as scarce as improved means of livelihood in Nigeria. Thank God, Baba has proved them wrong by declaring that “God is not a God of abandoned projects.”  

Now, according to gospel Matthew, as translated by Saint Anthony, every abandoned project is anti-God. But, brethren, when I had breakfast with God this morning, He told me that, in fact, He’s never happy with those who abandon projects – especially the human kind called the masses. Indeed, God revealed that contrary to speculations and figments of third term jaundiced minds, He is actually the God of ‘abandoned projects’ – especially the poor ‘projects’ like us forgotten by the selfish people in government. 

 Imagine! After years of ‘abandoning’ the Niger Deltans to their fate, it took a series of hostage-taking for Obasanjo to wake from his slumber. Suddenly, he realised that he and his ilk have failed woefully, especially in the Niger Delta. Okay, if God too had ‘abandoned’ the Niger Delta youths, how would they have got the ingenuity to take hostages? Indeed, how would they have noticed that ‘oyinbo’ skin would shine like halogen to attract Obasanjo’s attention? How would they have forced Baba to admit his repeated failures in the 1st term (1976); 2nd term (1999); 3rd term (2003)?

 Anyway, one angel even chipped in that God has created an everlasting punishment for those who abandon us – although Femi Fani-Kayode denied it. Instead, Fani-Kayode said the only punishment is the reformation of pockets close to Aso Rock. Whatever that means! Still, the angel says the path to the real punishment,  is a rare gift from God by name ‘Owu stubbornness’! I heard that was what Pharaoh suffered when he ‘abandoned’ the children of Israel in hardship. Recently, God also endowed Abacha with a virtue called ‘stiff-neckedness.’

That was what made the goggled man to insist on perpetuating himself in Aso Rock. Eventually,  he left the scene through a simple natural process – apple. Well, apple may be as scarce as kerosene in Nigeria, but God would make a way. An apple a day keeps hardship away, says the good doctor. Those who smuggled Taylor out of Calabar can also smuggle in some apples from India. Somebody shout hallelujah! 

Now, let’s go back to the scripture. Gospel Matthew, written by a renowned farmer, says abandoned projects are not of God. Interpretation for products of night schools: those who abandon projects – human or infrastructural – make God angry. We’re also told in the scripture that whatever is decided on earth is decided in Heaven. Hence, when humans ‘abandon’ some rulers, God too leaves them alone. 

Hello-o! Hi!  Are you there?  Now it’s time for collection. But to show your 100 per cent loyalty, you must flaunt your badge and shame the devil. But first, listen to the following announcements: 

Please, if you know anybody called ‘Aunty Third Term’, see the Pastor after the service.  We learnt that a lady with that name is on the wanted list of the Police, SSS, NDA, Army, Air Force, Navy and even Soldier Ants. Somebody just called one of our pastors to announce that the security operatives are now combing the streets for anybody who is ‘anti-third term’. So, if you are the one, be careful. 

 In fact, as a follow up to that, we are enjoined to be very careful who we discuss with henceforth.  For instance, before you discuss with your wife in the bedroom, you must first register with the Corporate Affairs Commission. Unless you want to be charged for belonging to an illegal organisation. So far, the church is aware that the only legal organisations include Obasanjo Solidarity Foundation (OSF); Mantu and the Constitution-Doctoring Committee; Nnamani and the Voice-vote Assembly, etc.

Ninety-nine and a-half percent loyal people like Atiku must never meet with anybody, including his grandmother. In fact, if he insists on anything against tenure extension, Fani-Kayode’s big mouth would force him to resign. You know why? Because that would not only be ‘anti’, it would also be ‘uncle’ Third Term.

We also have information that Apostle Fani-Kayode would attend the service tomorrow to challenge the ‘devil’ to a mouth-running duel. The General Overseer said the Superior Apostle (of Third Term) has already  tried to explain that what Baba meant in the ‘Abandoned Project’ talk was that once the masses ‘abandon’ a project like third term, even God would not support it. Hence, he wants the masses to support it because it is the only reform that would ensure his (Fani-Kayode’s) meal ticket, political relevance and nuisance value. But can anybody really say a loud ‘amen’ to that?  

  • First published in Saturday Sun of  April 8, 2006

Leave feedback about this

  • Quality
  • Price
  • Service

PROS

+
Add Field

CONS

+
Add Field
Choose Image
Choose Video