Ekpenyong Is A Married Man, iya-iya –o!
Look, I don’t care if I’m called a coward. I will never criticise my deputy governor. The guy is a nice man – an “excellent” gentleman. That is why they…
For 2007 Election To Succeed, Switch Off Your TV
For a successful election in 2007, everybody should switch off his TV set. No? Yes! It’s in your own interest, if you want to remain alive till that year. You…
Egg Flu Produces Kidnappers
Since my mother-in-law ‘dashed’ us one petite-looking hen, I’ve played the good old doctor. And then, a marriage-counselor. First, I so much wanted eggs from the hen so I could…
For Omitting My Name, Ribadu Has Begged Me
I find it difficult to understand some Nigerians. Imagine! A man like Nuhu Ribadu, with his ‘mosquito head,’ managed to remember and to write 201 names, yet there’s been no…
Too Much of Everything
I’ve decided to stop eating and playing till 2007. Please, let nobody beg me. Anyone who does is stupid. Anyway, “that is not an indictment but an advice.” The only…
An Old Woman’s Dying Wish
She’s 102 and dying. Submerged for decades in agony, it’s a surprise she lived this long. Now, with skin all squeezed together, frail bones and failing sight, the old woman…
The World’s Biggest Dustbin
The last time I checked, Nigeria had become one big dustbin. Not the tiny basket behind your door with dust and disused papers. I’m talking about the huge thing the…
Let’s Go Back to Donkey Years
My mum has been with me for about three months now. As common with older women, she started ‘blackmailing’ me towards her return the moment she came. She had hardly…
I Donate Myself to Charity
This month, I planned to sell myself, then give the proceeds to the tsunami victims in South East Asia. I actually put “for sale” label on my forehead, like a…
Thanksgiving For Military Donations
Today, I have a confession to make. I may not be as handsome as General Olusegun Obasanjo, but I think we have a few things in common. We both love…