Now, Let’s Cushion Ignorance
My little nephew returned from school the other day calling me a fool. As if I was in El-Rufai’s National Assembly. My offence? His kindergarten teacher flogged him because he…
Every Idiot Needs a NAFDAC Number
Anybody who claims he’s not an idiot should raise his hand. Did I see one up? You must be “a half idiot” for trying to defend yourself. Imagine! Was he…
IBB Should Pose Nude Like Anita
I’ve always wondered what I’d look like, if I posed nude. But each time I try, the camera gets shy. It smiles slyly, blinks repeatedly, then switches off. The other…
A Word of Caution for IBB
I don’t know if the one we call “Maradona” will “walk” or “run” in 2007. Some say he’s an “evil genius.” But if we’re talking the presidential race, there must…
Heat From Aso Rock
Whoever says Nigeria is not progressing should be tied to a broomstick. And shot dead with a water-gun. We are moving. Backwards, of course. That explains why we have a…
If Attah Was a Hangman…
If you’re one of those wondering why Nigeria has scarcity of everything – security, food, justice, morality, good leaders, etc – then you haven’t heard the latest. Please, don’t tell…
Even My Grandma Wants to be Governor
In Akwa Ibom, everybody wants to be governor, including my grandma. And she can’t even walk straight because of arthritis. Still, grandma got somebody to “push” her in a wheelbarrow…
This Government Should Go on Strike
Almost everybody has gone on strike in this country, except the PDP government. And me. But I have a good reason for working on a forced holiday. Isn’t it my…
Even God Is On Voicemail
I give up. Since I can’t make any call, I’m not taking any, either. Not that anyone has gotten through to my phone, though. Why is it that every call…
Help! I think I’m Getting Old
The moment a fortune teller offered to read my face, I knew something was wrong. Why my face and not my palm? Two answers – it’s either I was getting…