In Akwa Ibom, every display of incompetence and poor performance is consistently get blamed on witchcraft. When will that superstition change?
Today, I’m going home to help “liquidate” the evil spirit in my backyard. I just ordered a weapon of mass destruction (WMD) that will do the trick. Specifically, it’s called otapiapia! Just one drop in water or a sprinkle in the air, and all the ‘enemies of progress’ will disappear. After that, I’ll leave the undertakers to handle the spirits. Amen!?
Suspicions About Akwa Ibom
I’ve always suspected something was wrong with Akwa Ibom. At one point, I even thought it had malaria or typhoid—just anything to explain the stunted growth. However, now that Apostle Isaiah Isong claims it’s witchcraft, I find myself even more confused.
Time Moves Differently
In Akwa Ibom, morning seems to arrive slower than in other states. By the time we wake up, some states have already experienced their afternoon. Moreover, our clock never matches the ‘radio time’—it consistently lags behind. The sun smites us by day, while the moon does its bit by night. Sometimes, the tars on our roads appear to fold overnight. As a result, projects rarely finish on time. Furthermore, I’ve often wondered why the governor never takes decisive action on crucial issues. Until now, I never knew “witchcraft” was to blame!
The Revelation of Witchcraft
Ah! Why didn’t anyone tell me? I would’ve joined Isong to cast-and-bind, bind-and-loose, plant-and-uproot, and release-and-scatter! Undoubtedly, the juju and ‘mbiam’ would’ve been in serious trouble, I swear.
But how come Isong just discovered this after almost eight years of Attah’s tenure? Apparently, Mr. Evil has been competing with the citizens, usurping all our rights. Surprisingly, Isong kept quiet all this time. If he was ‘binding’ the air around the witchcraft, how come they never suffocated? Clearly, someone is either giving witchcraft too much credit or a bad name.
Blame Everything on Witchcraft in Akwa Ibom
In Akwa Ibom, nothing happens naturally. For instance, if a drunkard forgets to drop feeding money for his wife, he must be under a spell. Additionally, if a woman spills her soup, it’s the witch next door. If Attah misplaces his reading glasses, some merchant-pastor will claim it’s spirited to the witchcraft coven. A certified eunuch can’t impregnate his wife? Naturally, we blame it on ‘ekpo-ifot’. If Attah’s greedy aide squanders public funds, it must be juju. Should we blame juju if the governor surrounds himself with incompetent fools and gets nothing done? If no meaningful project finishes without Finance Commissioner Umana or the governor personally supervising, then ‘ifot’ is at work, right?
The Cycle of Incompetence
In Akwa Ibom, incompetence and poor performance consistently get blamed on the evil one. Therefore, I agree—let’s ‘nullify’ him! If prayer won’t do, we should hire the Chief Justice of the Federation, Belgore, to pronounce it ‘null and void’! Like Attah, I’m tired of this ‘evil business’. Superstition! As election season approaches, we don’t want a governor ‘sneaked’ into office by the devil behind our backs.
The Evil Fellow’s Deception in Akwa Ibom
Already, the evil fellow has begun work. He even tricked Attah into using a picture ten years younger for a presidential campaign. Moreover, he injected malaria into people, causing dreams of sleeping on Attah’s bed in Government House. Even my grandma is interested—leaving her Eket Federal Constituency for buccaneers. That really worries me. Consequently, I now have to ‘bind and loose’ to scare the ‘evil force’ trying to confuse grandma.
Our constituency is too strategic to let just anyone represent us. We’re tired of morons using our tickets to fill their pockets. Sadly, they return without a single law that benefits us. As the election approaches, we need dedicated, grassroots people with pedigree—outspoken, fearless, humble, and compassionate souls. We need well-fed candidates, not those hunting for meal tickets to the National Assembly. Grandma, having been in the area all her life, knows the right hands to pick. With her wisdom, she’ll undoubtedly convince the masses to make the right choice.
Eket Federal Constituency: The Engine of Akwa Ibom
You see, Eket Federal Constituency oils the engine of this nation. We produce all kinds of oil—groundnut oil, palm oil, engine oil, and crude oil. However, that doesn’t mean my people are crude.
Experience shows that poverty and money-politics have blinded us, preventing our refinement. Years ago, my people were so vibrant that they competed with engines. While the women trekked miles to Ibeno market, the men challenged parrots to debates. And they always won!
Political Integrity in Akwa Ibom
Whether at home or abroad, our politicians spoke ‘big grammar’ until their saliva dried. They called us ‘ndito mfianwe’ (oyinbo people). Then, they borrowed more saliva from others, leaving them with nothing to say but to agree. Furthermore, our politicians also brought back some things. They bought gramophones for themselves. At least, none betrayed us—no one claimed we sent them to support third term. They even brought tiny green-white-green flags, especially on October 1. Consequently, there were tarred roads and P&T phone cables lining the roads, leaving us in awe. They gave us hope!
The Decline of Leadership
But not anymore. These days, ‘witchcraft’ leaves us with lame ducks as leaders—devouring their brains, sensitivity, and compassion. Regrettably, our representatives only serve their pockets, tarnishing the legacies of old. We now have politicians who support evil plots like third term, then blame ‘witchcraft’ for their greed-induced actions. Can’t we find even one we can trust?
Legacy of Eket Federal Constituency
Ah! Eket Federal Constituency once served as the engine room for the South Eastern and old Cross River States. It produced energetic figures that even death couldn’t ignore. Brigadier-General U. J. Esuene, a frontline Airforce pilot and former governor of South Eastern State, stands out. Dr. Clement Isong, former CBN governor and later governor of Cross River, also made significant contributions. Hon. Samuel U. Bassey, a true patriot in the House of Representatives of the 1st Republic, remains memorable.
Additionally, Ntisong Vincent Uwemedimo, the first patriarch of Akwa Esop Imaisong Ibibio and former attorney general of South Eastern State, had a lasting impact. Chief Uyoatta Akpabio, the first Okuibom and former paramount ruler of Eket, also left a mark. No evil—witchcraft, incompetence, fear, greed, indecision—stood in their way. Ultimately, their works continue to speak volumes, even after they are gone.
A Call for Leadership in Akwa Ibom
Eket Federal Constituency has a name, pedigree, people, and stake in Nigeria’s future. Only a credible, competent, and experienced person can ensure the expected benefits for the area. He must share my grandma’s pain. Consequently, he isn’t fit for the job if he has never given her a glass of water to help her swallow Paracetamol.
Moreover, our next representative must connect with his people, not be a visiting merchant angling to fill his pockets. We’re tired of timid people who can’t even argue with their shadows. That, I swear, has nothing to do with witchcraft.
- First published in Saturday Sun on Oct 14, 2006.
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