A new survey has shown that since PDP took over leadership in 1999, the nation has made outstanding progress. On the back of the report was a bold inscription: ‘Backwards!’ For now, some scientists are still trying to decode the meaning of that word. Some even call it a ‘mystery.’ However, if you agree that the nation has made ‘progress,’ raise your hands and legs for a whole day.
Well, be warned: if you ‘run’ or ‘jump’ to conclusions, that’s your ‘wahala.’ Better you crawl, like PDP, to it. You see, specifically, said the study, PDP has made many discoveries – including how to perpetuate poverty. But the greatest has been the number of “idiots,” “rascals” and “fools,” in the government.
Surprisingly, the study, done by the Society for Transparent and Uninterrupted Political Insults in Democracies (STUPID), was almost silent on one aspect. It merely mentioned that PDP has just discovered that Senate President Ken Nnamani “has more balls” than the world’s best footballer. It said, “the latest experiment (3rd term) showed that Nnamani is not a puppet like one Mr Coward Mantu.”
In a section tagged, ‘Summary,’ it said “the party has made many giant strides – including the discovery that control of free speech can be very useful in a democracy. For instance, it helps ‘pocket’ the minions, providing a smooth path to economic starvation and jail houses.” Decode: I can be an idiot. But I’m not allowed to call Ali, for instance, rascal, coward, fool or even idiot. In fact, nobody has that right. Except, Baba! Well, a PDP bigwig also said the party constitution allows its leaders to insult people on airwaves. And in line with the manifesto to ensure equal distribution of resources, spread insult and poverty to the masses. Though, that doesn’t only affect PDP members.
Yes, the report noted that recently, PDP discovered that in a large population like Nigeria’s, the puppets are few. Another major realisation, after 3rd term push failed, was that there’s a substance somewhere called “reconciliation.” “The party suddenly realised that all the people its leaders could insult have left. So, the need for reconciliation arose so that there would be more credible people to take the insults next time,” said a section of the report.
Interestingly, the report is a compilation of scientific studies done severally by Professor Olusegun Obasanjo. In the introductory note, the Prof was noted as the first president to discover a “total idiot.” After his Professorial thesis – which did not include reconciliation – in May 2004, he was made the Pope. Because he was a better Christian than Rev Pam of Jos. In fact, many Nigerians agree with him. About 90 percent of respondents “strongly agreed” that Obasanjo has made a “positive religious impact” on their lives. They now pray constantly – for survival!
About 70 percent of respondents in the survey said “yes” to the question: Has PDP set good example? They argued that the party has loyal members who do exactly what the leaders propagate. For instance, many people recalled that following Baba’s steps, the Abuja Minister, Nasir El-Rufai, made his own brand of discovery, soon after. Apparently, he didn’t want to infringe on his oga’s copyright. So, his experiments only showed that our Senate chamber was filled with organisms called ‘fools.’ It was not stated which is superior – Baba’s ‘total idiots’ or El-Rufai’s ‘fools.’ Anyway, even threats of cyclone, hurricane and tsunami from the Senate did not shake El-Rufai. He stood by his discovery, like Atiku beside Obasanjo. Deviant but boastful! Even when Obasanjo tried to disprove him, El-Rufai dismissed Baba for lack of scientific proof to challenge his findings. He insisted his crystal ball didn’t show him an item called ‘reconciliation.’ PDP did nothing! Said nothing!
A section of the report entitled: “Ali and the foxy thieves” is what holds current interest. There, the grand commander of the ‘garrison party’ has made more discoveries. He found out there are more ‘rascals’ in the Senate than the seats. Half of the hall, the Commander’s report said, is filled with ‘cowards.’ But, in line with PDP constitution, the whole chamber, said the commander, is filled with ‘idiots.’
Question: Is PDP a party of idiots? More than three-quarter of the Senators are PDP members, abi? Moreover, the report said ‘idiot’ is as common a contemptuous term in the military as ‘bloody civilian.’ Obasanjo is a General, right? So is Ali.
Conclusion: PDP is a military party. That’s why everybody is an ‘idiot’ to the party leaders. El-Rufai only used the civilian version of it when he called Senators ‘fools.’
In PDP, I’m told, insult is only free for the ogas. From president to state party bosses, at least 50 cartons of insults are allocated to their homes monthly. They have the party’s mandate to haul insult as they please. That’s why the Senate can’t do a thing to Ali. Only ‘small men’ pay for it. Can you imagine a ‘small man’ like me calling Ken Nnamani ‘coward,’ or ‘idiot’ free-of-charge? Ah! For where?! Insult is only food for ‘bigmen’, jare!
FROM YOU TO ME
Oga Usoro, your write up about burying 3rd term redefines the term ‘masterpiece.’ I would like to be a shareholder in the business. Thanks
Rasheed. 08028374179
Usoro, you have done it again. Simple ways to make money from 3rd term is last the last bomb!! Keep the fire burning please.
Suwaiba, Babayaro University, Kano.
Uncle Usoro, what would I do without the “Reality”? For a second , all the agonies of living in Naija give way to uncontrollable laphter. Meanwhile the right message is being sent.
08033150441
I can’t wait to join you in the 3rd term burial money-making venture! We’ll live to see extinction of all third term termite!
Ngozi Osy- Agbata
Dear Usoro, God bless your business, sorry I mean our business as I have decided to be a major shareholder by supplying senatorcides for killing of evil insects called 3rdtermites.
08023949819
Obituary, we announce with deepest relief, death of our beloved third term. We mourn with Ali Mantu Aneni, Tafida, Makarfi, Bukaa, Sheriff A. Adamu, Ojo and Transcorp.
08033112646
Usoro, please keep informing us your teaming fans. Venturing into sales of ropes, handkerchiefs, towels, coffins or undertaking work is not a lasting solution.
Bello kd. 08024253119
Dear Usoro, you are doing a good job. You are making reading pleasurable. Even some lazy readers now read The Sun and columnists like you.
Maduakonam Achuama,Glasgow, UK
“Pius Achuama” <piusachuama@yahoo.com>
My dear Usoro, your write-ups are always superb. Can you imagine Senator Florence Ita-Giwa weeping due to the failure of third term? When Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross, HE said “father forgive them for they know not what they have done”. But to me, they (3rd termers) know what they have done.
DAN EKIKOR <bobbydan2005@yahoo.com>
08027711588
Baba Usoro, Youpiece is always a drug that heals many Nigerians. All the masterminds of 3rd term are already wallowing in the land of the dead. I am 24 hours ready to contribute for the burial ceremony of the 3rd term bid. Shame to 3rd term bidders.
Chidiebere C. Okorie
“chidi chris” <manoflaw20022003@yahoo.com>
- First published in Saturday Sun of May 27, 2006
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