Growing up, I knew Sonny Okosuns, the musician. He used rag to hold his head together, yet sang what made sense to many. But I never knew there was another Sonny Okosuns, the footballer!

One “fool” tried to confuse me last week. That the two characters are one person. The musician got “born again”  to become a footballer. And he plays a key position – the “defence.” In a fifth division club – “Obasanjo (dis)United.” But surprisingly, Okosuns is not even in the last eleven. Unbelievable!

Well, Okosuns, the one who says he’s an evangelist, confirmed this last week. “I am here to defend the president and it’s time to tell Nigerians to leave Obasanjo alone because the oppression on him is so much. He is being oppressed by the people in this country and it’s unfair.”  Tell them! Amen, somebody! 

Okosuns, the Ozzidi King, sang against oppressive government in South Africa: “Who owns Papa’s Land?” He once “yabbed”  Nigeria’s visionless leadership: “Which way Nigeria?”  The born again Okosuns sang, “Soon and very soon…” Then, he went through another transformation. Got “born against” – the masses. Then, recently, he came out with more hits: “Every Government In Power (EGIP);” “King’s Always Right; Attack Him, I Attack You”  and “Go to Hell, I Sing for My Pocket.”

Journalist: Congratulations, sir!

Born-Against Oko: “For what? My new albums or on my new appointment as Obasanjo’s defender? Well, to God be the glory. You see, when I gave my life to Christ, some people criticsed me. Now that I’ve given it to Obasanjo, they still criticise me. But I am not worried, for the Bible says, ‘ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.’ I have seen the light. Now, my new approach is to let Nigerians know that no weapon  fashioned against Obasanjo would prosper. Not even catapult or water gun. Amen, somebody! I think the masses are weak, that is why they are protesting every hardship. Me? I’m strong, look at my face, do I look weak? Only wrinkled. But to be strong, you need money, I only hope Baba would appreciate my effort, you know…”

Journalist: Sir, are you in support of the incessant fuel price hike?

Defender Oko: “Who said it’s incessant?  Every time Obasanjo increases fuel price, he allows at least four months to elapse before another one. So, you can’t call that incessant. No matter what you may say, Obasanjo means well. He is a very nice man; very beautiful, when you  get closer to him. And please, he’s consistent. It takes  consistency to increase hardship. Anyway, my Bible says, ‘it is better to give than to receive’. Nigerians should not be tired of giving. Giving implies sacrifice. When you buy fuel with your blood, that’s sacrifice, abi? And my Bible says no matter the hardship, give thanks to Obasanjo. Look, I am a Christian, can’t you see my Bible? I have many, one as big as my church. One of them even said it is better for a leader to oppress his people. That one is written in Greek, I’m the only one who can read it well. And I read all my 20 Bibles five times daily – cover to cover. A good leader must be deaf to criticisms and advices. Hey! Did I tell you I am Obasanjo’s defender? I would soon be called to the Super Eagles.”

Journalist: Sir, with your effort, you deserve the MON award. But, I was surprised your name was not even on the honours list.

Confused Oko: “It is not the “MON” award that matters. What I need is the complete thing. Just add the “ey” and all other things shall follow. In fact, I prefer the Senators Mohanmmed-Akinsulowo N1.2 million slap to an empty award. Not after that old writer, what’s his name now…ehehn! Achebe, rubbished the thing with his “too dangerous for silence” letter. That’s the problem with these book people. Wole Soyinka threw his own award into the river some time ago. But I am here to fight them on Obasanjo’s behalf. In fact, Femi Fani-Kayode should look for another job.”

Since Sonny Okosuns started “speaking in tongues,” he’s been as incomprehensible as Obasanjo is inconsiderate.  IBB did no wrong when he was in  power. Abacha was God sent. He even sang in Arabic so Abacha could properly “digest” some “apples.” And we must blame those who dismantled apartheid in South Africa. While it lasted, Okosuns had a job. And money in his pocket. Apartheid “died” and Okosuns became a gospel singer. Then, evangelist. But swore on the biggest Bible he would never “own” a church. Few months later, his backyard became a “cathedral.” 

I’ve never read Okosuns’ Bible, but my mother’s own never said Pharoah had dinner with Moses. So, how come our supposed man of God has suddenly become “the defender of the emperor”? On which authority does he base his action? On compassion, love, justice or pocket? 

Okosuns’ self-imposed mission  is one of a distorted vision. And it says a lot of some of our self-acclaimed God’s spokespersons. Genuine priests of old stood for justice; always on the side of the people. But what do we have now? Pastors becoming the devil’s advocates. Funny! Okosuns said Nigerians were “unfair” to Obasanjo. But, we still have so many naturally “fair” people around, including my younger sisters. And, of course, a few bleached ones. So, Okosuns can’t lump all of us as “unfair,” meaning everybody is as black as my grandma’s pot? Anyway, Okosuns turned the notion of fairness on its head. I’m sure the only persons who have that word in their dictionaries are, well, those who can afford dictionaries – Obasanjo and his cohorts.

Oh! There was that part of information I never knew about. Okosuns claimed, “Obasanjo is a human being too …” Haba! Here I was thinking the General had all the super human powers. I thought he was the messiah, who know all hence needs not listen to the citizenry. And the greatest of the revelations: “God made him what he is.” But why did Okosuns bother to tell us that? I think the only person who needs that information is Obasanjo. Perhaps, that might help him tone his heavenly reforms to mundane level. 

Now, Okosuns should stop reading Bible covers. There are replete lessons –  inside the book – on how aleaders should treat their people “to the glory of God.”  And until he proves that he’s not  opportunistic, we the masses  shall rise for a song. We’ll start with an anthem called, “Evangelist, the Devil’s Messengers”

FROM MY MAILBOX

The best

 Sir, you are one of the best we have in Nigeria. Your column is very educative. I read your piece entitled ‘WHY I HATE LOVE’ and most of the things you said were true. Baba Iyabo loves his pocket at the expense of the masses. I believe God is still alive and will intervene once again.

I really appreciate your good work. More power to your elbows. Up The Sun, up Usoro!

 “seun abiodun” <senexsmart@yahoo.co.uk>  

My weekend delight

 Usoro, from the heading to the final full-stop, your article is my weekend delight. You are fearless; tactfully merciless; understandably blameless. The other day, one of my friends  even said you were “shameless” and when I asked him to explain he said that it was because the shame was not yours but that of our political leaders in this “Democracy of Neurosis,” making us to live a “Tokumbo Exitence” in a Nigeria where “Our Navy and Police are Playing Russian roulette” with our security, while “We are All Going Mad”. These shameless(ful) political leaders who actually “Need Breastfeeding” have only succeeded in orally combining “Farming Ideas and Terrorism” while they fail to “Send the Corrupt Ghosts to Jail” and by their utterances, make us to “Hate Love” which results in “Fuel Strike in Our Houses.” Need we say more? Due to the hardship brought upon our people by these shameless(ful) men, our women have made the once blossoming “Beauty Pageant a Monkey Business”   but all the same, “Thank God, Women are Getting on Top”.

 “Prisca Obaji” <prisca_obaji@yahoo.com>  

You’re doing a great job

I highly appreciate your efforts in most of your articles in the best selling and widest read newspaper (The Sun). Keep it up. As I can see, there are few Nigerians like you existing.

“pricegeorge george” <ccanuforoesq@yahoo.com>  

Chinedu Anuforo

University of Calabar

Funny man, I need peace too.

You are funny but deal with  the real issues. I enjoyed your article entitled “Peace is now in pieces.” Me too, I need  peace in my life.

“timothy ufouma” <palaquin2000@yahoo.com>  

I like your writing

I read your column often and I like your writing. Please, tell me how you developed  to that level. I hope you are not making yourself endangered to the government.

“gospel mangibo” <gospelmangibo@yahoo.ca>  

• First published in Saturday Sun of  Oct 23, 2004