As a member of that noble “society” called the “masses,” I hereby insist that it’s my right to “communicate” – with myself. If nobody is ready to listen to me, at least, I can listen to my voice, can’t I? I also insist that it’s not only my right, it is also my left. Both, I swear, are my hands. And I use them to direct my driver, an “uneducated” fellow who has refused to “read” anything apart from his pay slip.
Using my hands, I’m told, go by different names like “talking fingers,” “hand of God“ or “non-verbal communication” – depending on how you “read” the situation. You see, the rich may try to decree us out of existence. But they can’t stop us from communicating. Though the “Lion of Aso Rock” has decreed that the masses no longer have need to “communicate” in the “society.” Haba!
It was one of those “dry days” and Comedian Olusegun Obasanjo was at his best. Quoting his recent books, “A Joke Taken Too Far,” he held his audience spellbound. “Some people came to me and they said they have two Masters degrees and cannot get a job. Then I asked, ‘what did you read?’ and they replied, ‘Mass Communication’. The other is Sociology. Then I told them, ‘you are uneducated. You now have to go and be reeducated to create value for your skill” Ah! So there’s a skill hidden somewhere?
No problem with a farmer’s ego trip. Blame the guys who confused Baba with big names like Mass Communication and Sociology. The simple answer to, ‘what did you read?’ is just one word: Book(s)! You don’t expect an egg farmer to know the use of Mass Communication, forget the monthly throat-clearing sessions on NTA. But then, no idiot, whether “total” or “absolute” should dare call Baba “uneducated.” If all the idiots without NAFDAC number must know, as the president, Baba has immunity against ignorance.
Being “educated” these days is somehow easy. A trip to Oluwole Street in Lagos gives you what the “uneducated” like us spent five years to get – a piece of cardboard paper called degree. Doesn’t matter if you know not the difference between “animal husbandry” and “wife husbandry.” Just steal money somewhere, rob or defraud one “fool” and proclaim yourself “educated.” EFCC, ICPC, NAFDAC, INEC, SON, etc can’t do “forensic test” on certificates, yet. And, even the National Population Commission hasn’t the “electronic rigging equipment” to “screen” fake educational claims and certificates. Hence, the rich are always very “educated” here, thank you.
Obasanjo was right. There’s a big link between Mass Communication, Sociology and being “uneducated.” Usually, the masses turn out “uneducated.” Oh, it’s not all about schooling. They are “uneducated” about government policies and how the nation’s resources are squandered. They are even “uneducated” about election rigging, corruption and embezzlement. They are “uneducated” about why politicians kill, bully and blackmail to perpetuate their bulks in public office. The masses are so “uneducated” they can’t even name what they eat. Their refrain at breakfast, lunch or dinner is, “No food.” The unpatriotic fools!
Sociology, one amala seller said, has to do with the society. And being the dregs of the society, the masses communicate among themselves – since the “educated” refuse to listen. And one of them told me it’s foolishness for the “educated” to think only professions that deal with physical development impact on the society. The first development is mental, Sir. Ok, so a sociologist can’t build a workshop – where he can “work and chop.” But how many computer scientists, engineers – electrical, structural, civic, etc – have workshops or are employed by government? And, how many have been enabled to fabricate anything, leading to physical development? So far, the prominent Nigerian names in inventions are always traced abroad. How has our state of education helped Nigerians “create value for their skills”?
What did I read? Nothing! Some of us have stopped reading anything, jare! Including Obasanjo’s lips. Well, not exactly. Those who read, at all, are hooked on the scriptures. And advert pages of discarded newspapers. Ask Olubumni Cardinal Okogie: “I think the Federal Government should sit up and do its work on the issue of youth and graduate unemployment… Joblessness is a big problem in Nigeria…Only a few get employed.”
True! No job, no security. So, why should anybody read anything, anymore? “No one is safe in Nigeria anymore…Matters of security of lives and property are not taken seriously by the government,” said Okogie. “It’s very regrettable that the spate of insecurity in Nigeria is not yet being addressed… Most Nigerians live at the mercy of their prayers to God…,” adds Rev Fr Gilbert Thesing, an American.
Once in a while, Obasanjo should go asking the poor, including my grandma, what they read. If many have read anything in recent years beyond death certificate, may I go naked in the bathroom. Ask Francis Edemoweh in Effurum, Delta State, for instance. The guy “read” five death certificates and did a “family mass burial” the other day, as if he was in war/famine zones like Somalia, Angola, Zaire, etc. With 14 children, joblessness and a “hungry” organ, he gave up after reading ads for ages. Poverty took over his home. The starved kids wailed. A concerned mother prepared cassava meal and…death! Their situation was compounded by poor health facilities. You see, beyond interspacing drab speeches with tasteless jibes, Obasanjo can “read” the nation’s health situation like a blind man reads the billboard. Yes, he’s aware that poor work attitude and facilities hasten many deaths. The Edemoweh kids are my witnesses. In Obasanjo’s society that needs no Sociology, even air costs life – where available. So, how does a fellow “read” anything if he can’t breathe?
I “read” Edemoweh’s grief well. The first brother I lost died after a cassava meal – a special delicacy called “ekpang” in my area. A sister almost followed. Perhaps, it was cyanide, but “uneducated” masses put it on witchcraft. I haven’t eaten that meal since then.
It’s wrong to go asking an hungry man: ‘what did you read?’ A man in my village quarreled with his wife one Sunday morning and got to the church late – without his breakfast. During sermon, the preacher asked Papa to read a portion of the scripture. The angry man eyed the crucifix, sighed and blurted: “Pastor, read your Bible, I’m hungry… and angry.” He downed a jug of communion wine alone, later.
Two people are confusing the president that there’s no need for the “masses” to “communicate”: presidential aides and “General Obasanjo.” But, note, the “uneducated” masses are forced to “communicate” – in lamentations and curses – each time they go to the market. Or board a bus. Yet, PPPRA sadists brand incessant price increases as “ reasonable … for the common good of all.”
A woman who can’t buy garri for her kids to soak and drink would have no need of science – especially the political kind. She has no need for debt relief and all the confusing numerical jargons. M-e-e-n! we don’t an Agro-economist to know that Nigerians must be fed before the vain dream of exporting cassava to well-fed Chinese, Brazilians, South Africans, etc. Soon, China would even use our cassava stems to come and construct our rails.
Now, let’s pass a law, shall we? Every Nigerian must read Geology, Engineering, Architecture, etc, so that our roads can be fixed. Baba himself admits that after six years of misrule, our roads are “still dead traps.” And you know what? Obasanjo may not have “read” Political Science, but then, Baba is “educated.” It doesn’t matter that he’s not “read” any book on agriculture, yet owns Otta farm. Okay, maybe he read George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” and “This Animal called Man,” his book. There’s something “agric” about them, abi?
It’s no longer, “what did you read?” A graduate of Efik Language can work in a bank or an oil company. It’s now, “who do you know?” “What did you read?” is an excuse for failure. A polite turn down. Another way of saying, like Lagbaja: “Nothing for you.” Or like Tuface: “Nothing dey happen.”
Obasanjo should just skip his tasteless comedy. Fulfill campaign boasts of providing one million jobs. Then, let’s see if people won’t pick the jobs.
- First published in Saturday Sun of August 13, 2005
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