Nobody ever taught me who a worker is. I found out by myself—on the job! Yeah, I became a worker from my mother’s womb. I worked so hard that I kicked her from the inside. I worked even harder in the cradle. As the first child, it was my job to wash all the plates in our house, even the clean ones, for my yet unborn siblings! It was also my responsibility to count all the grey hair on my father’s head!
So, when my daughter recently asked me who a worker was, I said: “Me!” The evidence? I trekked up hills and down valleys every morning to fetch water from the village stream. That stream sat right at the boundary between my village and the land of ghosts.
The Real Work Begins
Two trips, sometimes. Yet, I was just a kid, with a double-barrel head like a mosquito! Meanwhile, I still had the self-assigned task of discovering where my mum hid her biscuit container. Very hard work, I swear! I hope, with these few points of mine, I have been able to confuse you, not convince you that…
Come on! It’s Workers’ Day, and we real laborers deserve a cup of “ukot nsung.” Till date, I work hard, though my wife sometimes complains that I overdo it. “Oga, why do you always spend all day reading the scroll bar on NTA? Are you not overworking your eyes?” To avoid an argument, I switch to reading old newspapers instead. Or my phone. No worker like me, mbok!
The True Definition of a Worker
You see, the real worker isn’t the one strolling into the office in a weather-beaten coat. No! It’s not the one arriving bright and early, ready to tackle the day with all the fake enthusiasm of a kid on Christmas morning. Forget the pretentious gait and sycophantic mien. I learned early that a real worker must not merely watch a functional clock but emulate it…work!
Don’t be deceived by those gathering at conference tables like lost sheep, only to spend the next hour arguing over who drank the last drop of water in the dispenser. Work isn’t endless bickering in the office or selling used clothes in the organization’s car park.
The Struggles of a Nigerian Worker
Yeah, there are so-called workers who don’t like to lift a finger. If they were told that “hard work is the key to success,” they’d rather pick the lock. Ask Claude McDonald. But me? Like Robert Orben, I check the Forbes list of the richest people every day. The moment my name doesn’t appear there, I must work—even if it means reading the scroll bar!
I deserve an accolade, jare! So, today, I grab a cup of “hot ice water” and settle into my favorite chair. Like my Igbo brother would say, surviving in Nigeria “didn’t easy”! You must work! And, “praise the God,” the work is made easier by the very conducive environment we have been blessed with. Or is it?
Irony of Our Work Environment
In the workplace—private or corporate—before you even say “good morning,” you’re greeted by the sweet sound of the generator rumbling to life. Ah, yes, the generator—our trusty companion that reminds us electricity is a luxury, not a guarantee.
Sure, that’s right—luxury! Like pens. Let’s hope there’s one hiding at the bottom of your bag because the office supply closet is as well-stocked as a desert oasis. Even the government doesn’t supply stuff anymore. You’d be lucky to find sandpaper instead of tissue paper in the toilets.
Oh, c’mon! What’s a day in the life of a Nigerian worker without spending half his salary on fuel? In some cities, you sit in bumper-to-bumper gridlock for hours. Or spend the entire day in a “fuel queue”!
Finding Joy Amidst Chaos
But never mind, amidst the chaos and absurdity, joy can still be found. For instance, grumbling about the broken air conditioning unit. And the camaraderie that comes with office gossip—nothing brings people together like a juicy rumor about office romance or who got caught napping.
So here’s to you, Nigerian workers—including religious business center operators and yahoo boys. You are the unsung heroes of the economy, the masters of multitasking, and the stars of making the best of a less-than-ideal situation. May your boss be too busy to notice that you’ve spent the last hour on frivolous chats or watching lewd videos on TikTok!
*This article was first published on May 27, 2024, to celebrate the Workers’ Day.
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