Help! Ekpenyong Is Angry at My Size
I’ve just asked a carpenter near my house to make me that kind of prop Stella Obasanjo uses at public functions so she can be seen. But mine would be…
Somebody Has Stolen My GMG
My friend went to Germany. And all he bought me was a lousy T-shirt with an abstract symbol. Trust me, I ‘yabbed’ him well-well. Nonsense! Okay, out of curiosity, I…
My Ugly Face Scares Attah
I need a face transplant, fast! OK, I’m told it’s called plastic surgery. Point is, I’d always known I was ugly. In fact, the other day, when I saw myself…
This Government Owes My Grandma Money for Snuff
I’m still in shock. I thought by now I would be a rich man. After Finance Minister Nenadi Usman announced that they were going to pay local debts, I sold…
We’re All ‘Kolo’ With Money
I still can’t remember how much Bill Clinton paid that young lady who worked “under” him. But it probably wasn’t more than a squeeze of the bum. If it was,…
Why Old Woman’s Children Lived in a Shoe.
I’ve just found out why the “old woman” in my daughter’s nursery rhyme did what she did. If you never attended nursery school, be informed that: “There was an old…
Award For Mischief
There are people I admire so much and, it’s not what you think. Two types of people, actually – all dressed in human attires and attributes. Those consistent in whatever…
Where Was Mbang, When Demon Entered Aso Rock?
I hereby congratulate retired Prelate Sunday Mbang on his new appointment. Very collapsible sources said the old man has appointed himself the acting, deputy, senior special assistant spokesman for the…
Minister of Words and Due Process
I hate jargons. I would rather you tell me, in blunt terms, what to expect than coin words that explain nothing. As a unionist, that was my problem with the…
Simple Q: What Did You Read? Simple A: Books!
As a member of that noble “society” called the “masses,” I hereby insist that it’s my right to “communicate” – with myself. If nobody is ready to listen to me,…