Okonja-Iweala’s Gibberish
Since Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala heeded her father’s pleadings to stay back and mind our public purse, it was last week she got my attention. Her stuff about Naira’s free fall being…
Let’s Kill All Okadamen
I had a rethink about romance and “kissing” on Monday, after a Naval officer killed an “okadaman.” Imagine! The Okada guy had the effrontery to “kiss” an officer’s car –…
Our Real Misadventures
I’ve just learnt that there’s a sickness called “misadventure.” Deadlier than AIDS. In fact, it kills like a sniper – leaving neat bullet wounds. Ask Ehindero. Police said that’s what…
Between Reality and Obasanjo’s Marijuana)
In many churches, we have seen doctors, preachers and merchants rolled into one. But Citizen Obasanjo Jimoh is different. He’s a real Nigerian – a product of necessity. Arrested recently…
‘If Na Ya Mama Born Ya Papa, Cross Dis Line’
It has just come to my notice (board?) that Nigerians love to hear ‘gists’ from flowers. So, now that Para-psychologist Gabriel Okunzua is dead, a few silly friends and I…
Obasanjo and His Two Thieves
There are certain things I can’t do. Like spelling my name. Counting my achievements. Or pushing my rickety car into the river. Where the hell would I find money to…
Why We No Longer Have Single Teenage Girls
A terrifying epidemic has descended on the society, resulting in the scarcity of single teenager girls. Oh! Forget your 14-year-old girl. She probably got married last night, while you slept.…
Every time I see a policeman, I think of sex, robbery and death.
If you love sex, you’re in for a surprise: You are an armed robber! And if you’re ever caught “making love,” you’re dead! At least, that’s what the police suggested…
I’m Still Waiting for Baba’s Cushion
Last year, I planned to buy a set of chairs. The simple type my father once bought for N100. But when I was able to gather 99 kobo, the chair’s…
I Have Bullet-Proof Air for Sale
I heard Senate President Ken Nnamani has just bought a car. P-r-a-i-s-e the Lord! Ah! We go wash-am-o! Really, it was long overdue. Imagine, the man was trekking round the…