Even My Grandma Wants to be Governor
In Akwa Ibom, everybody wants to be governor, including my grandma. And she can’t even walk straight because of arthritis. Still, grandma got somebody to “push” her in a wheelbarrow…
This Government Should Go on Strike
Almost everybody has gone on strike in this country, except the PDP government. And me. But I have a good reason for working on a forced holiday. Isn’t it my…
Even God Is On Voicemail
I give up. Since I can’t make any call, I’m not taking any, either. Not that anyone has gotten through to my phone, though. Why is it that every call…
Help! I think I’m Getting Old
The moment a fortune teller offered to read my face, I knew something was wrong. Why my face and not my palm? Two answers – it’s either I was getting…
Blind Respect is Killing Us.
Sometimes, I don’t know what is wrong with my head. That is, beyond the grey hair. You see, after the launch of last week’s Book of Revelations,written by Obasanjo and…
My Lord, This Thing Runs in the Family
Some “total idiots,” who call themselves journalists have been analyzing the shape of Gbenga Obasanjo’s head. As if it’s bigger than mine. Since Monday, when the young man’s picture “graced”…
I Play Better Football in the Bedroom
I had always suspected there was something wrong with my head. Last night, I found out at the barber’s. After about 30 minutes under the guy’s pincher, which he claimed…
There’s No Fool Like Me
Until last week, I thought I deserved an award. I had confessed to my wife, recently, that I was corrupt. I cheated her once or twice at a Ludo game,…
My Fingers Give Me Short Temper
I’ve a very short temper. Well, I’ve never measured it with a ruler but I’ve proof from the doctors. Very little things make me mad and I go breaking a…
Too Many Jobless Ghosts Around
Until October 23, 2005, Lisa was a sleepy community. It slept when civilization started; and even slept through a plane crash. But not anymore. Now, day or night, Lisa has…