A Deregulated Father Christmas
I can smell Christmas in the air. But it’s a truly confusing scent. Sometimes, it smells like “okrika;” other times I smell “ready made” wears from a decent boutique. Then,…
My Sallah Ram Has Been Liquidated
I’ve been thinking of how to escape the burden of January. Just one week into it and I’m as broke as Charly Boy’s PMAN. All my calculations fail to add…
Listen! Everyone Is Singing
I’ve tried singing a few times and it’s been s-o-o-o helpful. Anybody who knows me very well, especially my mirror, would tell you I don’t sing often. Unless, when I…
State of Emergency in My Soup Pot
This morning, I’ll walk into a police station and declare a state of emergency. And why not? That I lost a priced possession needs an “urgent” attention. And if the…
For 2007 Election To Succeed, Switch Off Your TV
For a successful election in 2007, everybody should switch off his TV set. No? Yes! It’s in your own interest, if you want to remain alive till that year. You…
Ekpenyong Is A Married Man, iya-iya –o!
Look, I don’t care if I’m called a coward. I will never criticise my deputy governor. The guy is a nice man – an “excellent” gentleman. That is why they…
Egg Flu Produces Kidnappers
Since my mother-in-law ‘dashed’ us one petite-looking hen, I’ve played the good old doctor. And then, a marriage-counselor. First, I so much wanted eggs from the hen so I could…
For Omitting My Name, Ribadu Has Begged Me
I find it difficult to understand some Nigerians. Imagine! A man like Nuhu Ribadu, with his ‘mosquito head,’ managed to remember and to write 201 names, yet there’s been no…
Too Much of Everything
I’ve decided to stop eating and playing till 2007. Please, let nobody beg me. Anyone who does is stupid. Anyway, “that is not an indictment but an advice.” The only…
An Old Woman’s Dying Wish
She’s 102 and dying. Submerged for decades in agony, it’s a surprise she lived this long. Now, with skin all squeezed together, frail bones and failing sight, the old woman…