Too Much of Everything
I’ve decided to stop eating and playing till 2007. Please, let nobody beg me. Anyone who does is stupid. Anyway, “that is not an indictment but an advice.” The only…
An Old Woman’s Dying Wish
She’s 102 and dying. Submerged for decades in agony, it’s a surprise she lived this long. Now, with skin all squeezed together, frail bones and failing sight, the old woman…
The World’s Biggest Dustbin
The last time I checked, Nigeria had become one big dustbin. Not the tiny basket behind your door with dust and disused papers. I’m talking about the huge thing the…
Let’s Go Back to Donkey Years
My mum has been with me for about three months now. As common with older women, she started ‘blackmailing’ me towards her return the moment she came. She had hardly…
I Donate Myself to Charity
This month, I planned to sell myself, then give the proceeds to the tsunami victims in South East Asia. I actually put “for sale” label on my forehead, like a…
Thanksgiving For Military Donations
Today, I have a confession to make. I may not be as handsome as General Olusegun Obasanjo, but I think we have a few things in common. We both love…
In Search of The Devil
It’s high time we did something about one dreadful fellow in our midst. He’s been on rampage – doing bad stuffs with the young and the old. But, he always…
Obasanjo’s Demo Dividends
A Nigerian boy wanted money badly. He prayed for weeks but nothing happened. Then, he addressed a letter to God, requesting $100. A postal officer, touched and amused, sent the…
My Wife Has Forgiven My Sins
Every time I’m “broke”, I run to the financial institution in my house – my wife. It’s no big deal, at least, that’s what I usually think. Madam keeps all…
Who the Clown is Mr. Stakeholder?
This is to announce the ‘passing away’ of Mr. Stakeholder. He died recently, after holding ‘stakes’ to too many “talk at” sessions in Abuja. Doctors said Mr Stakeholder died from…