Local Government Autonomy and the Born-Again Ex-Governors

Local Government Autonomy was once forbidden by the “emperors” across the Nigerian state. Suddenly, time and circumstances turned the “enemies” of the policy to its stout advocates. It’s like watching a fox lecture on poultry safety – a masterclass in political gymnastics!

The hall buzzed with excitement as curious journalists chatted animatedly. Soon, the senators strutted in, their agbadas flapping in the breeze like sails. Meanwhile, some attempted to look dashing in their well-pressed suits.

Before long, the spotlight turned to the Nigerian senators’ latest drama: their newfound obsession with local government autonomy. Yes, you heard that right. These very senators, many of whom are former governors who previously hoarded local government funds like dragons hoard gold, are now the champions of LG autonomy.

It’s astonishing how we suddenly transform into “activists” the moment we leave political office. During their gubernatorial tenures, these individuals stashed local government funds securely away in state/local government joint accounts. Consequently, it’s almost as if Ebenezer Scrooge himself now wants to lecture us on Christmas generosity!

Is Local Government Autonomy a National Farce?

Senator A (Former Governor): “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, we invited you here because many claim there’s hunger in Nigeria. Well, you’ll get something later. Just help us polish our story. Although we might be pretending, we want Nigerians to believe we’re serious human beings. Let me quote: ‘It’s crucial that we grant local governments full autonomy. They must manage their own resources.’”

Senator B (Former Governor): “Indeed, my esteemed colleague has spoken well. Consequently, the days of centralized control are over. Therefore, local governments must chart their own destinies.”

Skeptical Journalist: “Hold on a second, Distinguished Senators. Weren’t you the same people who, as governors, made sure local governments couldn’t even buy a pen without state approval?”

Senator A: “Ah, but that was then! We must embrace progress, and progress, naturally, means autonomy.”

The irony here is thicker than a boa constrictor’s grip. These political giants, who once controlled local government autonomy with a vice-like grip, now openly preach about its virtues? Their previous stance was that it was akin to handing a teenager the keys to a sports car. Now, however, they sing a different tune, extolling the virtues of letting local governments steer their own ships.

What Sparked This Sudden Epiphany?

So, what sparked this sudden epiphany? Did these former governors experience a Saul-to-Paul transformation on their way to the Senate chamber? Alternatively, did they attend a secret conference titled “How to Love Local Government Autonomy,” hosted by a foreign dignitary during one of their frequent trips? Perhaps it’s simply the allure of being seen as champions of grassroots governance.

Senator B (Another Former Governor): “We must decentralize! LG autonomy is, after all, the backbone of our democracy.”

Another Skeptical Journalist: “But, sir, didn’t you once claim that LG autonomy would lead to chaos when you were governor?”

Senator B: “Ah, my young friend, wisdom indeed comes with time. Thus, we are wiser now.”

In Nigerian politics, motives often have more layers than a rich puff pastry. Are these senators eyeing another angle of local government funds, or are they simply trying to reinvent themselves as the saviours of local governance to win favor with voters? After all, nothing warms a voter’s heart quite like a politician who’s seen the light.

Watching these former governors now advocate for LG autonomy is like watching a fox lecture on poultry safety. It’s a masterclass in political gymnastics and a spectacle of dramatic proportions.

Would Power Truly Return to the People?

Senator A (Former Governor): “We insist on giving power back to the people! Local government autonomy must be achieved!”

Yet Another Skeptical Journalist: “Free like they were when you controlled every kobo of their funds?”

Senator A: “Ah, yes, but that was different. Now, we understand the true meaning of autonomy.”

As we watch this grand performance, popcorn in hand, we can only marvel at the audacity and adaptability of our political leaders. The push for LG autonomy is commendable. However, it’s curious to see it come from those who once wrote the book on central control.

Will this mark the beginning of genuine transformation or just another chapter in the ever-entertaining saga of Nigerian politics? Only time will tell. And will the current governors allow this LG autonomy to “come to pass”? That’s a story for another day!