World Cup Dream? I Apologise for Everything
I hereby apologise to myself on behalf of all those who promised to die, if Nigeria failed to qualify for Germany 2006. I have since found out that they have…
It’s New Year, So What?
Oh man, was I ever gloomy Thursday morning. Even the shower didn’t lesson my mood. Worse still, I had to drag myself to work. I can’t remember the first person…
Democracy of Neurosis
This is our democracy. Home grown. Whoever doesn’t like it should take a walk down to Bakassi. Yes, move closer the ocean and we’d gladly push you over to Cameroon.…
Time to Name Our Own Hurricanes
I don’t know why the “civilised” world picks names for disasters without considering Nigeria. It’s unfair to ignore a country that has borne the burden of every African nation, except…
Help! Ekpenyong Is Angry at My Size
I’ve just asked a carpenter near my house to make me that kind of prop Stella Obasanjo uses at public functions so she can be seen. But mine would be…
Somebody Has Stolen My GMG
My friend went to Germany. And all he bought me was a lousy T-shirt with an abstract symbol. Trust me, I ‘yabbed’ him well-well. Nonsense! Okay, out of curiosity, I…
My Ugly Face Scares Attah
I need a face transplant, fast! OK, I’m told it’s called plastic surgery. Point is, I’d always known I was ugly. In fact, the other day, when I saw myself…
This Government Owes My Grandma Money for Snuff
I’m still in shock. I thought by now I would be a rich man. After Finance Minister Nenadi Usman announced that they were going to pay local debts, I sold…
We’re All ‘Kolo’ With Money
I still can’t remember how much Bill Clinton paid that young lady who worked “under” him. But it probably wasn’t more than a squeeze of the bum. If it was,…
Why Old Woman’s Children Lived in a Shoe.
I’ve just found out why the “old woman” in my daughter’s nursery rhyme did what she did. If you never attended nursery school, be informed that: “There was an old…